Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Humorous in Hindsight + Week 38

I've been trying to write this story since the fourth of July but was enduring a week long migraine which made everything I wrote seem depressing instead of humorous.  This is meant to be humorous, so I've just had to wait.

Oh, and while I thought that we got pictures of my belly on my birthday for Week 37, it turns out they were all from the neck up...oh well.  Here's Week 38...where I'm past the point of wearing maternity pants because  Miss Tatum is riding so low! So I'm pretty much relegated to dresses, skirts and stretchy leggings until she is born.



On to the situation that was at the time beyond aggravating but in hindsight still makes me laugh.

Since being pregnant I've had this lovely side effect known as rhinitis of pregnancy.  Its where my nose runs constantly and I sneeze probably 20 times a day on a good day.  Lately, I'm not sure if its just worsened or combined with allergies, but I've been getting sneezing attacks where I'll sneeze repeatedly for 10 or 20 minutes. Combine that with a 6.5 lb baby and 6 lbs of uterus, placenta and amniotic fluid resting on my bladder and its not a good combination.

On the Fourth of July I was going to meet Matt after he got off work in Issaquah, and together we'd head to the fireworks show. I was right on time, was dressed and only had to put on mascara and get the room ready for Roy and head out.  I had half an hour to do this.

Then I started sneezing.

And when I sneezed, I peed just a teeny bit.

So I changed my undies, put a liner on and went to apply mascara.

Aaa-CHOO
Psssss

I changed the liner, and went to try to put the old sheet on the bed (there's no keeping Roy off while we're gone) and let my eyes stop watering when...

Aaa-CHOO
Psssss

I sighed and changed the liner again, and got half the sheet on the bed.

Aaa-CHOO
Psssss

This time I had to change my undies again, and got one more corner of the sheet on the bed when...

Aaa-CHOO
Psssss


Changed again and got the other corner on the bed

Aaa-CHOO
Psssss

Now these weren't just 'dry' sneezes.  These were filling-up-two-kleenex-of-snot-sneezes. I made it back to the bathroom and managed to put mascara on one set of eyelashes when

Aaa-CHOO
Psssss

You ladies who've sneezed with fresh mascara know that it smears everywhere when you sneeze, so I wiped that up and...

Aaa-CHOO
Psssss

Changed my underwear again and this time managed to keep the sneezes at bay until I had done both eyes and they dried. Thinking this sneezing attack might be over I went to find Roy's kong to fill with peanut butter and...

Aaa-CHOO
Psssss

I changed my underwear again, got the kong and went for the peanut butter and...

Aaa-CHOO
Psssss

AAAAARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

Roy just kept cocking his head from side to side and looking at me like I'd lost my mind.  I filled the kong with peanut butter and got halfway to the bedroom and


AAA-CHOOO
Pssss

This went on for 45 minutes before I could get out the door with mostly dry panties and only semi-smudged mascara.

Who ever heard of being late because they were sneezing? Admittedly it sounds ridiculous, but that's how my afternoon went. I only showed you ten sneezes but in that 45 minute span I probably sneezed at least 40 times.  I thought I was going crazy! And it is pretty humorous when you think about it.

At least the fireworks were good!



So next time you sneeze, be thankful you don't have a watermelon pressing your bladder!

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