Thursday, July 28, 2011

How NOT To Talk To A Pregnant Woman

In the past few months I've had some things said to me that just stop me in my tracks and make my jaw drop.  For the most part, God's had grace on the people who've said these things and I've mostly smiled politely, but I thought I'd offer up a nice little tutorial on pregnancy etiquette--for those pregnant ladies you know and especially those pregnant ladies you don't know. I also know I've been guilty of saying some of these things too, and to those pregnant mommies I've said any of these I'm so sorry!

 I've asked a few friends to throw in what bothered them the most as well, so here you have a guide:

What NOT to Say to a Pregnant Woman

1.  You're HUGE!

I've gotten this a number of times, most recently from the lady behind the bakery counter at Safeway last Saturday.  I didn't see her at first, but according to my mom she saw me and made a beeline all the way around the counter and came in front to give me this lovely complement.  

Here are a few response options:
(in the same surprised voice) You TOO!!!
Actually I'm having a pony.
Watch for me on the next Biggest Loser!

 As my mouth hung open trying to think of what to say in response that was semi-nice (thank you?!), she added...

2. Are you having TWINS???

No.  I am not having twins. I'm growing a person in my belly. So never, ever ask if a woman is having twins...if she is she will tell you. (I've gotten asked this 3 or 4 times too, by the way). 

Optional replies:
No, obesity runs in my family.
I believe in healthy babies
Actually I have a tumor.

3. This is the biggest I've ever seen you!

Again, what do you say in response to this? Thanks so much, you either! 

 A friend who was told this (at her baby shower) would have like to have said: you try being pregnant in the middle of the summer with 90 degree weather and 70 percent humidity carrying a cantaloupe in your belly!"

4. You look like you're about to burst!

Yes, that's what happens to pregnant women.  We just pop. Or burst. Or blow up. Or explode like a time bomb. Or my personal favorite, "You look like you're ready to spawn!"  To their defense these men were fishermen...but still...spawn?

Try saying:
Then you'd better stay back, you might get splashed with amniotic fluid (I did use this one...)
I'm not a zit and I don't pop.

5. OH MY GOSH....[fill in the blank]...

Just refrain from starting any comment to a pregnant woman like this.

6.  Get your rest now...while you can!

Personally I've been able to sleep great this pregnancy (which I think I owe all to a memory foam mattress), but I know a lot of pregnant woman who ended up sleeping so much better after their baby was born because they could sleep comfortably again! The thought that sleep might be worse after the baby is born is almost unbearable! 

This goes for dads too, I think.  Matt is normally a super-deep sleeper, but the past week or so he wakes up every time I roll over or get up to use the bathroom.  He's trying to get his rest, but I think reminding him he's going to be getting less soon is just added pressure.

Now that you know what NOT to say, you CAN say...

You look GORGEOUS!

You have so much to look forward to!

You're all baby!

You're just glowing!

How many weeks are you? (whatever she says, respond: You look juuust right!)

Anything along these lines is appreciated. 

So there you have it--a brief tutorial to help you determine how to talk to  pregnant woman.

And here is a pic of Week 40...and yes I know I look like I'm about to pop. 

What were/are your biggest pet peeves of things people would say to you during pregnancy?

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Come Monday Morning...

Friday was my last day of working in an office.

Which feels very odd.

I felt like I was saying goodbye, have a good weekend and see you Monday, when come Monday morning (if Tatum hasn't come) I'll wake up and...drink a cup of coffee with my family. And then maybe take a walk. And then a nap.

It'll be the first Monday morning since I graduated college 5 years ago that I don't get up and get dressed and go to work without it being a holiday, vacation or me being sick. These people I've worked with and talked with and laughed with for 40 hours a week for 2 1/2 years are suddenly people I'm only going to be chatting with on Facebook or the occasional office visit when I bring Tatum in. Its a very weird feeling, and sort of sad.

I'll still be doing some work from home, and Lord knows being a mom is a full-time job, but I'm in that odd limbo-state where its kind of like a vacation but not really.  Luckily I'm not one to sit around and be bored--there's still Tatum's quilt to finish, I've got a few stories that have been put on the back shelf for awhile that I'd love to dust off and work on, and I might actually get the patience to sit down and learn how to use Dreamweaver finally (I'm getting really sick of that banner up there, aren't you?)!

My due date was today and unless I have one of the fastest labors in first pregnancy history it looks like she won't be coming today...

But maybe she'll come Monday morning...

Thursday, July 21, 2011


Welcome to my 150th Post!

I used a tool that converted all my blog posts into a photojournal book, and it was well over 300 pages long!  So, Dad, when you ask if I've been writing lately the answer is definitely YES--that's a novel in 2 1/2 years!

A good friend sent me a great post from the blog It's Almost Naptime on “How To Be A Perfect Mom” and I just really loved how honest the mom was in saying that when looking at her three-week-old baby she wanted to scream “What do you want from me you little monster?”

I love down-to-earth posts like that. Some blogs I read make it sound like the mom has everything under control and nothing ever goes wrong (which we all know is just flat out impossible).

Photo by MarĂ­lia FlorĂȘncio Santos
In looking back over my blogs, I hope I’ve been as transparent as that honest mom and continue to be as we embark on this new adventure of parenthood.

I’m certainly not the perfect wife, daughter, sister, or friend. I think I’ve shared enough embarrassing stories on here to make that clear! Sometimes, though, I leave out certain details just for the sake of humor.

Like the last story where I kept sneezing and peeing.  What I didn’t tell you was I also had a migraine and by the time I left was on the verge of tears. I thought I’d have the drive to Issaquah to recover and get a grip, but then I saw Matt pass me on the way to the house and I realize that I must have missed his call (while sneezing) saying he’d meet me here. I turned around and pulled up behind him, rolled down the window and snapped at him to pull forward since we were taking his car, got into the passenger seat and promptly burst into sobbing “I’M SO SICK OF BEING PREGNANT!” Poor man, he just stroked my hair and (completely bewildered at what caused this outburst) assured me it was almost over and everything was okay.

My house is certainly not always clean (or even picked up), my food is not always beautiful and/or delicious (ask Matt about my attempt at homemade enchilada sauce...yuck), and I don’t get up at the crack of dawn to spend time with the Lord like I know I should. I feel accomplished if I remember to turn on the Daily Audio Bible on my way to work, or read a few verses and journal a short prayer right before I go to bed.
So in case there've been any delusions that I've got this whole how-to-handle-life thing down, I certainly do not. I'm living by grace day to day, and its nice to read other people's posts that remind me that I'm not the only one relying on His grace.
  Minor note on the side, I started reading Gifts from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh again last night, and had forgotten how beautifully and simply and truthfully it is written.  Its a short, small book, and if you need some soul balm its a great one to keep around.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Humorous in Hindsight + Week 38

I've been trying to write this story since the fourth of July but was enduring a week long migraine which made everything I wrote seem depressing instead of humorous.  This is meant to be humorous, so I've just had to wait.

Oh, and while I thought that we got pictures of my belly on my birthday for Week 37, it turns out they were all from the neck up...oh well.  Here's Week 38...where I'm past the point of wearing maternity pants because  Miss Tatum is riding so low! So I'm pretty much relegated to dresses, skirts and stretchy leggings until she is born.

On to the situation that was at the time beyond aggravating but in hindsight still makes me laugh.

Since being pregnant I've had this lovely side effect known as rhinitis of pregnancy.  Its where my nose runs constantly and I sneeze probably 20 times a day on a good day.  Lately, I'm not sure if its just worsened or combined with allergies, but I've been getting sneezing attacks where I'll sneeze repeatedly for 10 or 20 minutes. Combine that with a 6.5 lb baby and 6 lbs of uterus, placenta and amniotic fluid resting on my bladder and its not a good combination.

On the Fourth of July I was going to meet Matt after he got off work in Issaquah, and together we'd head to the fireworks show. I was right on time, was dressed and only had to put on mascara and get the room ready for Roy and head out.  I had half an hour to do this.

Then I started sneezing.

And when I sneezed, I peed just a teeny bit.

So I changed my undies, put a liner on and went to apply mascara.


I changed the liner, and went to try to put the old sheet on the bed (there's no keeping Roy off while we're gone) and let my eyes stop watering when...


I sighed and changed the liner again, and got half the sheet on the bed.


This time I had to change my undies again, and got one more corner of the sheet on the bed when...


Changed again and got the other corner on the bed


Now these weren't just 'dry' sneezes.  These were filling-up-two-kleenex-of-snot-sneezes. I made it back to the bathroom and managed to put mascara on one set of eyelashes when


You ladies who've sneezed with fresh mascara know that it smears everywhere when you sneeze, so I wiped that up and...


Changed my underwear again and this time managed to keep the sneezes at bay until I had done both eyes and they dried. Thinking this sneezing attack might be over I went to find Roy's kong to fill with peanut butter and...


I changed my underwear again, got the kong and went for the peanut butter and...



Roy just kept cocking his head from side to side and looking at me like I'd lost my mind.  I filled the kong with peanut butter and got halfway to the bedroom and


This went on for 45 minutes before I could get out the door with mostly dry panties and only semi-smudged mascara.

Who ever heard of being late because they were sneezing? Admittedly it sounds ridiculous, but that's how my afternoon went. I only showed you ten sneezes but in that 45 minute span I probably sneezed at least 40 times.  I thought I was going crazy! And it is pretty humorous when you think about it.

At least the fireworks were good!

So next time you sneeze, be thankful you don't have a watermelon pressing your bladder!

Monday, July 4, 2011

Seattle Bucket List

Last Saturday was my birthday, and Matt and I finally got to do two things we've been wanting to do since moving here. 

1. The Space Needle

2.  Eat at a Tom Douglas restaurant

If you don't know by now that we're foodies, then you probably haven't been reading the blog all that long or you've just been skimming the pics. I'll forgive you for both.  But we love good food, and will go out of our way, save our pennies for a good dinner out, and buy super fresh and sometimes unusual ingredients to experiment cooking with. 

At least its a shared hobby, and one of us isn't always pushing to try a new restaurant and the other thinking its a waste of money! And if you think God doesn't care about quality of food, just read through Leviticus and you'll see that He definitely appreciates the difference between good and bad flour and meat. And another look at Jesus' first miracle shows that even He knew it was worth it to change the water into an extra nice reserve wine rather than your average Two Buck Chuck. 

Anyways, my birthday started out gorgeously beautiful--probably one of the prettiest days in Seattle this year, and I'm not exaggerating. It was the warmest day by far--81 degrees! I woke Matt up and we headed to Starbucks for breakfast (which is definitely not the norm for me), then we lounged around the house, watching The Cosby Show, reading in the sun and all that lovely leisurely stuff until it was time to head out.

After a quick stop to buy a used breast pump off of Craigslist (happy birthday to me...whoopee), we headed to the Space Needle along with everyone else and their mother.  After waiting for about 50 minutes in line, we finally hopped on the elevator and were whisked skyward towards the observation deck.

First order of business was to find the line to the bathroom...and wouldn't you know it but an employee cut in front of me and spent 10 minutes cleaning the thing out!  I wanted to point to my burgeoning belly and ask, "Seriously?"  But my bladder didn't burst (and thankfully I didn't sneeze) and we finally made it outside.

It was seriously such a beautiful day to go up! 

Then we headed downtown to Pike Place where we wandered around the park a bit before eating dinner.

We ate dinner at Etta's, where Matt got some delicious crab cakes and I had the panko breaded shrimp with a cocktail sauce that was amazing!

We finished the day off with some frozen yogurt and watching the movie Larry Crowne (it was entertaining, feel good, and a rental if you're interested in my opinion), and a shoulder rub at home to end the day.  All in all a great birthday!

By the way, if you missed the last post and are curious about birth centers or water births, you can read it HERE.

And a happy fourth of July to you! Despite our grumblings and grievances about our government, at least we can grumble and complain and vote and change things without our army turning against us or being thrown in prison.  A quick look at the news will show you we definitely live in a privileged country.

So have fun today at parades and eating hot dogs and watching fireworks!