Tatum's Eleventh Week and TLC's Biased Baby Story

Tatum is eleven weeks old!

This is the face she makes when she wants to sit up. You can almost hear her making the noise that Scrat the squirrel makes in Ice Age when he's reaching for the acorn...

I had to snap a couple of pics while I was setting up the fabric, because Roy and Tatum were both sitting up and watching me...

And we got her a Bumbo seat last week to help her sit up since she was NOT happy being either on her back or tummy or in the bouncer all the time.  She wants to be UP and see what is going on!  That can get a little hard on the arms, so this lovely device was welcomed in our house!

On to another subject:

Since moving to Oklahoma and temporarily living with my parents, I've had the luxury of being able to record and watch my favorite reality show--"What Not To Wear" on DVR.  Somehow I've managed to live the past year and a half without it, and just love the snarky comments by the hosts!

After the show, "A Baby Story" comes on so I usually see the previews and first few minutes of the show.  After two and a half weeks of watching this, I have to say how frustrated I am with such a narrow view of birth being presented.  

Y'all know how I gave birth to Tatum, and my thoughts on natural birth and birthing centers.  I'll say again that those are my choices, and they may not be the best choice for you.  I have nothing against hospital births, epidurals or C-sections as long as the mother making the decisions is adequately informed.  

And "A Baby Story" is far from giving a balanced, informational portrayal of births.

Every day the preview goes something like this:

Little background of the mom and dad. Smiling.  Holding hands walking in a park.

Labor starts (dum dum duuummmm).

Mom screaming in pain in labor.

Will she get to the hospital in time?

More screaming from mom.

Will the doctor get there in time?

Shot of the worried dad.

The baby's heart rate dropped--can they get him out in time?

Crying shot of mom

Shot of some nurse running.

One parting scream with some creative camera zooming.

In two and a half weeks I've seen only one attempt at a natural birth, and she couldn't handle the pain and went with an epidural.  Every description of un-medicated labor is "torture," "my belly ripping apart," or "unbearable." All of them have been in the hospital.  About 80% of the women were given pitocin. Every single one I've seen had an epidural. And quite a few were given emergency C-sections.

Now let's say you're pregnant.  And, being into everything baby, you watch A Baby Story every day.  How do you think this would shape your view of labor and birth?  From just watching it I would say:

1. Labor must be too painful to manage on your own.

2. The hospital is your only option in where to give birth.

3.  Labor is scary stuff.

Not a very well-balanced view of labor.  We're not a society where women are present for other women's labors and birth. In other cultures, its mothers and other women and midwives who witness and support other women during birth.  You would grow up seeing your mother, sisters, aunts give birth.  Consequentially, when it came time for you to give birth, you would have real life examples for what to expect.  If you learn from this reality TV-show, your view of labor and birth would be quite biased because its just that--a TV show.

And good TV is drama.
And drama =  money.

I just checked the TV schedule and did a few quick searches.

In 70 episodes, there was 1 home birth.  2 water births, one was "rethought." 5 mentions of "couple wants a drug-free birth," but 4 of them "rethought" it.

Not exactly a ton of variety there.

The number one question I get when people hear I delivered a baby that was half an ounce shy of ten pounds without drugs is "Didn't it hurt???"

Well, yeah.  A lot.  Not gonna lie there. And yes, there were moments I was scared.

But you know what?  It was totally doable. I had my moments of weakness where my midwife looked me in the eyes and helped me pull it together, but overall it wasn't as scary as I thought it was going to be. And I'll do it again, Lord willing.  In fact, I'd rather go through labor than a week long migraine!


So come on, TLC, and show some more natural births.  More birth centers. More home births. More midwives.  More water births.  Because while medicated hospital births are the majority in this country, there are other options.

Tatum's Birth Story

Tuesday morning on August 2nd, I was 9 days overdue and more than ready to have this baby.  Most of our family had been in Seattle for a week, waiting for Tatum’s arrival, and had already had to go back home.  I was trying everything suggested that was given the green light by my midwife, Chris, and after walking miles and miles, scrubbing my floor on my hands and knees, having acupressure massage every night by my family, eating tons of spicy food, consuming a whole pineapple in one sitting, taking evening primrose oil and a host of other serious and not-so-serious attempts, I was basically done trying and ready to let nature take her course.

I had been having consistent Braxton-Hicks contractions since the previous Friday night—anywhere from 2-7 minutes apart. No pain, they didn't hinder any sleeping and I hardly noticed them…I just kept waiting for them to roll over into actual labor. I had never wanted to feel some pain so much!

On Monday, August 1st, we went in for a fetal non-stress test. We had another ultrasound and checked that the amniotic fluid level was still adequate and all that good stuff. She was so low that we couldn't get a good look at her face, and she was so curled up we couldn’t double check to see if it was really a girl.  Their estimation of her weight was 9 lbs 3 oz…with a wide margin for error, they explained.  I thought she was going to weigh around 8 ½ or closer to 9 lbs maybe…

On Tuesday at our appointment at noon, Chris checked me and we were surprised to find I was dilated 3 cm and 50% effaced! Those Braxton-Hicks had been doing something! She stripped my membranes.  UN-COM-FOR-TABLE (Read: ouch)!  It was pretty amazing that Chris would gently push on Tatum’s head and I’d see my whole belly move! Weird that someone can touch your baby inside you before you can!

After heading back home, I laid down for a nap but never fell asleep—just rested.  The contractions seemed to be getting a bit stronger, and by 3:00 I knew I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep. They were about 10 minutes apart, but I had to breathe through them.  I got up and told my mom I thought this might be the start of things, and we started a puzzle and let Matt sleep a bit more.  By 4:00 I couldn’t sit down, and even just standing bending over the puzzle was becoming a challenge.  I was so afraid it would peter out, though; I didn’t want to wake Matt or call anyone just yet.

My mom suggested a walk and so we slowly (and uncomfortably) walked once around the neighborhood—me having to stop and breathe through contractions.  I was getting a little nervous…if this was only an hour or so into labor and was starting to take my breath away, how would I handle the amount of hours left?

Back in our house, Matt got up and I told him I thought I was (finally) in labor. It was getting close to 6:00, and the contractions were definitely becoming more intense.  I was beginning to vocalize a bit through them at this point. I asked for some music because the silence in between the contractions made me feel so watched, so Matt put on some country music.  Something about the Dixie Chicks proved to be extremely irritating, and after another contraction all I could verbalize was I wanted something with no words.  Matt then put on some classical music, but Mozart wasn’t cutting it either. Finally he put on the soundtrack to Pride & Prejudice, and the music of Jean-Yves Thibaudet hit the spot and carried me all the way through the actual birth.

 Matt called Chris and let her know things had gotten started and contractions were between 2 and 4 minutes apart, I talked to her and had a relatively easy contraction on the phone, and she said to call back in an hour.

Then the first serious pain hit and I was not prepared for it. I became a bit hysterical and didn’t know what to do—meanwhile I was thinking if this was only the beginning…how much worse was it going to get? My mom and Matt were both unprepared for the sudden intensification as well, and I just stood there crying “What do I do?!?!  What do I do?!?!” until Matt brought some flowers and told me to breathe in and look at the rosebud, and breathe out and look at the unfurled rose.  That helped me through that one and then out came our cheat sheets for my mom and Matt to help me know what to do through contractions. One of my biggest fears had been not knowing or remembering what to do during a contraction, and it turned out I couldn’t remember anything to try to cope except to keep breathing deep.

After that the contractions came fast and very strong—most of them double and sometimes triple peaking.  I would only get a minute or two in between before it would hit again.  I tried laboring on my hands and knees, squatting, and got in the shower but nothing seemed to help me get in a rhythm. I was definitely vocalizing through at this point, but the pain was so shocking it was literally taking my breath and I was giving high pitched yelps instead of letting my voice be low and open.  Even between contractions I was still at a pain level of 4 or 5 and after what seemed like just a few breaths I would feel another wave hit. 

Matt called Chris at 6:40 with an update that things were getting pretty intense, and again I got an easier contraction while talking to her.  I even told her, “Can I just stay on the phone with you? They’re easier!” I gave the phone back to Matt and right as she was telling him to call back in 30 minutes a real contraction hit. I was vocalizing through it and Matt let Chris listen.  At that point she said to get in the car and get to the birth center! THANK GOODNESS!

They don’t lie when they say that the ride to the hospital/birth center during labor will be the worst car ride of your life.  What I didn’t realize then was I was going through transition while in the car.  I was getting only 30-45 seconds of a break in between very intense contractions, in my car that has almost no shocks.  I kept thinking, “It’s only been four hours...what if we get there and I’m only 4 or 5 cm dilated???” 

We got to the birth center and I was stripping and headed towards the tub as soon as I crossed the threshold. All that thought of what I was going to wear to give birth went out the window.  Bikini top? What bikini top? I didn’t care if Billy Graham had been sitting in the corner--I was getting into that tub as fast as possible!

The second I got in the water things got much better.  It was such a relief, and contractions slowed down a bit giving me a few minutes of much needed rest in between. Chris checked me and I was relieved beyond belief to find out I was 9 cm dilated and 100% effaced! It was definitely reassuring I wasn’t going to have to be doing this for that much longer!  That knowledge and the relief from the hot water helped give me the energy and the confidence I could finish this how I had wanted--drug free and in the water.

Matt got behind me with a cold washcloth, and I held onto his hand like it was a lifeline.  I was finally able to get into a rhythm, moaning “Oooo-kay, ooooo-kay, oooo-Jesus” and staring at a fixed point of the painting on the wall.  During some of the harder contractions I would ask frantically, “Is this normal?!?! Tell me I’m OK!!!”  Chris would get right in front of my face and reassure me that this was totally normal, that this was just a really fast labor and that soon our baby girl would be in my arms. 

After about an hour I began to feel the urge to push. I moved to a different corner of the tub, Matt put his feet in and sat next to me, and when pushing I would pull myself up with his hand and by holding onto the faucet. Focusing on putting effort into pulling my hips up let me relax everything else. Matt began to do my moan/chant with me and it was oddly comforting and irritating at the same time. It was comforting he was doing it with me, but I knew I’d be irritated if we went out of sync so I worked on matching him as he matched me—which in hindsight was probably really helpful in making sure I was taking deep long breaths!

I don’t think I ever got into that “Labor Land-Zen zone,” because in between pushing I would think about the fact that 300,000 other women were giving birth that day, or I would ask if anyone had ever broken the faucet before because I was pulling with all I had. I even sang a bit of Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire.”

Twenty minutes into pushing Chris could see the top of her head. From then it was really encouraging because with every push Matt, my mom, Chris and the student midwife would get really excited about getting to see more of the baby! They held a mirror for me and I got to touch her sweet little head and feel a long lock of hair, but then I had them take it away because I was pushing better with my eyes closed.

It only took 7-10 more minutes of pushing before Tatum Keturah came into the world all at once with one gigantic push at 8:52 pm.  I immediately felt such a release of pressure!  She came out of the water squalling but within a few seconds of me talking to her she was quiet and calm. Right away she pooped twice in my hand (ahh love), and after a few minutes Matt was able to cut the cord. 

Tatum's first breath

She was so calm and alert after we started talking to her!

Instant Love.

Proud Daddy

Auntie Charissa who sped all the way from Portland and still missed the birth--but she was definitely still needed!

She's starting off so spiritual...

Her first outfit

She weighed 9 lbs 15 ½ oz, and was 21 ½ inches long. When the ultrasound technician had said wide margin of error for their guess of 9 lbs 3 oz, I was thinking she would be smaller, not a nearly 10 lb baby!

Even with that, I only had minor second degree tearing. After I delivered the placenta and showered, I got to nurse Tatum for the first time. She was a little champ (or chunk) and nursed for a long time that first time! We got to take her home when she was 4 hours old, and it was so nice to be able to sleep (I actually just stared) in bed with a baby beside me, where less than 12 hours earlier I had been napping uncomfortable at 41 weeks pregnant!

Seasons Drink Deep into our Soul: Musings of a new Father

 Living many years in two different cities, San Diego (perpetual sun), Seattle (perpetual rain), we often yearn for the fall crisp mornings of Vermont or the budding spring flowers of Northern California. “The Best Season” for Kaitlynn and I has always been the fall.

Fall to us represents a myriad of images that we imbibe deep and breathe out as new memories. Fall represents the transition of a nature at its peak with glistening snow capped mountains, vibrant green pine and lakes with blue so deep that it pulls down the sky, to its hibernation from cold hard nights of fierce winds that strip trees bare. Yet in that transition comes a beauty of both seasons as an elderly leaf shines brilliant, crisp marries morning, and truth beckons minds to comprehend the beauty of change. This is my mind comprehending the beauty of our change.

Kaitlynn and I fromed a union in the Fall of 2007. In this best season of our life, two histories of two people came together for one day in love to witness and new union in the eyes of God. Three years later the out pouring of that love created a new life despite efforts to delay its creation (we used birth control). The knowledge of this life was put into question as we experienced the scare of a miscarriage. With our hearts in the pit of our stomachs we tensely watched our first ultra-sound. What we witnessed at that moment was a heart beat so strong and fast that it ripped through our being to tell us; “I am a new life and I am full of spirit”.

The name Tatum means “full of spirit” and we knew that this was true from the first moment we lay eyes on her. Keturah, her middle name, means “incense or offering”. This can mean many things to many people. To me it is a representation of the potential and purity of life given through death of one self to the sanctity of the Truth. Kaitlynn more than anyone these past 9 months, has experienced this death of her traditional body to create this new life. The list of the symptoms of this transition can be endless, but a few standouts are arthritic knees, hands so swollen it hurts to pick up a pen, and no medical help for migraines so intense that it is as a hammer pounding a nail into one’s skull for sometimes a week at a time.

As a husband and witness I have seen the beauty of in this transition. I have never been more impressed with anyone who has endured this challenge and maintained the same commitment to being a wife and provider to our marriage. Even more amazing was her resolve through 8 days of carrying a 10 pound baby and a group of anxious family all over the country waiting the newest addition. Yet the ultimate representation of my wife’s strength was her determination and endurance in delivering a 10 pound baby and a 7 pound placenta with not one drop of medication.

The leaves of our lives have turned bright with fire, to fall and create our new best season. 

Week 36, Birth Centers and Water Births

Update 2/1/2012: I did in fact have a natural water birth on August 2nd. You can read about my experience HERE.  Words of encouragement to moms considering it: natural childbirth is DOABLE! I will be having a water birth with baby #2 if it means at home in a tub!


This face says:

 How many more weeks of this?

Hormones are beginning to make my joints loosen up, so I find myself waddling whether I like it or not. I sound like a walking advertisement for Rice Krispies because when I roll over in bed or get up my bones snap, crackle and pop! Last night when I turned over my hip popped so loudly it startled Roy awake!

And this pregnancy rhinitis stuff? Yeah, I'm ready to not be sneezing 15 times a day and constantly looking for a kleenex with a runny nose. Look closely at the preggo pics and it looks like I'm always just on the verge of tears...isn't that lovely?

I asked my midwife today about having a migraine during labor (since mine are hormone-related and my hormones will be going wacko), and she said that of the (literally) thousands of women she's helped through labor, she's never seen one with a migraine during labor...even those who have hormonal migraines like me. So that was great news! (knock on wood)

Also, because a few of you have asked about it, I'm giving birth at a birth center and will most likely have a water birth. A lot of people I talk to about this have never heard of doing such a thing (babies have to be born in hospitals, right?), so I thought since I have this platform of blogging I might as well use it to help people learn that there are other options for how to give birth. 

Let me be clear that I'm not saying this is the BEST way to give birth, this is just the option that I've chosen for myself. 

I don't think epidurals are necessarily bad, and am thankful for modern medicine because C-sections have saved lives.  But when I first found out I was pregnant I hadn't even thought about a birth center, and the prospect of labor so scared me that my "all natural" plan for that "one day" childbirth went right out the window and I was ready to be strapped in a bed and pumped full of as many drugs as it took to not feel anything. The more I read and researched, though, the more I learned about childbirth and all the options, and that is what I want to share with you.

A lot of people I've talked to ask, "What is a birth center?"  A birth center is a place where you can give birth in a home-like environment. You're free to walk around, be in the shower, be in the tub, be on a birthing ball, or be wherever and however you like while going through labor. 

Here's a picture of one of the two birthing suites at Eastside Birth Center, which is where I'll be:

Yeah, that's a giant tub in the corner.

At a birth center they don't induce labor, try to hurry a labor up, and usually you're home between 3 and 4 hours after delivering the baby. Fetal monitoring is intermittent with a Doppler, as opposed to being strapped to a machine the whole time.  You're allowed to eat and drink as you wish during labor as well--which is a heck of a lot better than ice chips! There are no drugs for pain relief other than a local analgesia to suture tears in the perinium, and there are very few epistiotomies done.

I meet with two certified midwives, one who is also a Naturopathic doctor (N.D.).  Each meeting is between 35 minutes and an hour, and is a lot less formal than when I met with either the OBGYN or nurse midwife I saw through the same OBGYN clinic before I switched to the birth center. At the birth center I sit on a sofa across from the midwife and a midwife student (rather than perched on an exam table), and we actually chat about how things are going (rather than "any questions? No? Great, bye!"). They take a lot more time to palpate my belly, talking to Tatum as they find her back and head and feet. I feel like they're connecting with Tatum as well as me before she's even entered the world. And she's a baby...not a fetus. :-)

The midwives are equipped and have the experience to handle most complications for both the mother and baby.  While C-section rates at the hospital down the street from the birth center are 34% (basically one out of every three babies), they are less than 3% for those who go to the birth center (a C-section would require a hospital transfer, which in this case would only take from 4-7 minutes).  While birth centers aren't for everyone (like if you're having twins or have pregnancy complications), they are a very safe hospital alternative for healthy pregnancies. 

The whole philosophy of midwives or a birth center is that birth is a normal process, not something that needs to be "fixed."

If you want more general information about birth centers, you can visit the American Association of Birth Centers website. Here is a good page that helps describe what is different about Birth Centers than hospitals.  Most insurances cover birth centers, and overall the cost is about a third of what it would cost to give birth in a hospital (so really your insurance should be thanking you!).  

Also, if you want a brief history of how American women transitioned from home births in the early 1900's to making hospital births and epidurals the status quo, The Business of Being Born has a great recap on that. You can also stream this movie on Netflix.  It was this movie that had me first start thinking that maybe I could do this thing without an epidural, and from there led me to taking birth classes with Liz Chalmers at Birth Zone and eventually to Eastside Birth Center.

As far as water births go, I think most people now know what that is. 

You have the baby in warm water--usually around 100 degrees.


I was listening to a podcast by Barbara Harper today, founder of Water Births International, and she was saying she's found references to water births that go back to the 1700's and 1800's. In fact, one of her grandmother's medical textbooks from the very early 1900's states that "a labor in which the mother is not in a warm bath should be considered abnormal." 

 

There are a lot of benefits to laboring in a warm bath. Here's the short list:

• Water creates weightlessness that will provide support and require less energy from the mother during the birthing process.
• Warm water creates relaxation, which will mean less pain for the mother and a reduced amount of adrenaline and anxiety.
• A warm bath helps increase the levels of oxytocin produced, which is the “love hormone” that causes contractions and the cervix to dilate.
• Water births naturally decrease the blood pressure of the mother and the blood supply to the placenta is increased allowing improved oxygen to the fetus.
• Immersion during labor will position the mother in such a way that the fetal decent is quickened.
• The newborn will have an easier transition from the womb into his or her new world.
• A baby going from a warm womb to warm water to its mother's chest is a less traumatic experience for an infant than a birth in a cold hospital room.

A lot of people worry about the baby breathing under water, and HERE is a great list of why babies don't.


I plan on using the tub during labor, and if I happen to stay in during the delivery great--but nothing about birth can ever be set in stone! All I can do is have my preferences and be flexible.  I think I've covered a good amount of basics, and hopefully maybe peaked your interest in other birthing options as well. To close, here's the trailer to The Business of Being Born (and don't discount it because Ricki Lake produced it, like I almost did!)

went on a YouTube bunny trail and now I want to see this too...